thursday jan 4 2024
12:52am
With the new year now begun, I find myself and so many others to be feeling this new push to become the next version of themselves. But with this vision, undoubtedly comes new fears, new levels of understanding. Looking within, I see that at every stage there lies this boundary; this precipice of fear that is so difficult to overcome. For the longest time this feeling has been the guiding force to determine what I can but more importantly can't achieve, until 2023 came along. That year showed me and everyone around me what we are actually capable of when we stand on top of these fears and rise above it. However, with this new year, it is obvious that the feeling of fear never alleviates truly, it just changes form into new hurdles we struggle to overcome. But this will be the year we never succumb to that feeling ever again; using it not as a crutch but as a reason to keep going. And on that note, here is a piece of writing on becoming the truest version of ourselves:
The fear of - the sickening feeling in the pit of our stomachs that doesn't go away, no matter the amount of self reassurance. This uncomfortable feeling is in fact the breaking of our new found shell. No matter what we do, it seems our human instinct is to always seek comfort and safety. But the reality is that the growth and never ending progress we seek lies outside of this comfort. We cannot expect any changes if we are afraid of spreading our wings any further than we already have. Our whole life, at every single stage we have experienced, the newfound version of ourselves that we fell in love with, came on the other side of our fears. A part of it is the unknown for sure, the aspect of not knowing how things will unfold, not knowing where things are headed; will we fail and become a laughing gimmick in people's eyes? Or worse, will we be so ordinary and unexciting, that people will forget us before the performance is finished? The performance of life that is. Fearful that our energy is so unamusing, we won't be anything more than a name on a sign up sheet, a name people can't even put a face to. But then I think, who cares? Who am I to decide how people will remember me? I feel my wings have outgrown this shell, the only thing I yearn for is to break free, and the only way to do that is to break through. How can we ever expect it to be our time, if we are too afraid when it's our turn? Too often do we try, try too hard, for things to be something that we hope them to be, instead of letting them be what they need it be. I can only control my side, perhaps I should trust and let the Universe do its own. Succumbing to fear is attempting to control the uncontrollable; the destiny of growth, lies outside of the shell we can no longer fit.
To accompany the energy that this embodies, I will also include a poem that I wrote recently, titled:
"in my car outside my house"
you cannot expect genuine love
without having loved them in return
you cannot expect new birth
without feeling the destruction
of the fire and burn
you cannot expect it to be your time
if you’re too afraid when it’s your turn
you cannot expect to learn the ways of life
if you haven’t first learned how to unlearn
too many times i think too many thoughts
too many times i gave my love away
for things i now see i could never have bought
too many times i gave up knowing i should of fought
too many times we water the pot that has already rot
but not enough times have i gone after the things i sought
not enough times did i let the tree grow roots
not enough times did i walk in the snow with no boots
so i can feel the cold of the earth when my actions bear fruit
not enough times did i refrain from lies
when i was face to face with truths
but who knew
there would be things i couldnt comprehend like the first person who flew
things that initially don’t make sense like the first tree that grew
and saw there were an ocean of trees like you
an ocean of trees like you ..
Use the fear within us as a guide, that what we need lies on the other side of this feeling. It is a sign, that you are actually headed in the right direction!
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